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‘Before the Shore’ Doesn’t Add Much to What We Already Know

January 28, 2010

Last night’s MTV special Before the Shore brought our favorite guidos and guidettes back into the public consciousness. The network must have a lot of scenes on the cutting room floor, though, as this episode didn’t offer any new insights into the cast’s lives.

The approx. three minute segments on each cast member seemed to have been culled from their audition video and some footage MTV took just before they left for the Shore. While comical, these segments didn’t really deliver on the tag line Pauly D kept tweeting that we were going to see what they all did before the show. We might just have to wait for a VH1 Behind the Music-esque special to really learn about them, though.

The special began with Pauly D, who wasn’t really lying when it came to what they showed about him. We followed Pauly around his hometown of Johnston, Rhode Island. The only JS-er not from NJ or NY, we saw Pauly keep up with two of his three daily routines – the G and T of GTL. He expressed hope that there would be a gym near the Shore house because you can’t go a month without working out, and showed viewers the gym in his hair stylist’s basement. He had them build it so that he can kill two birds with one stone and work out as he waits to get his hair cut since he goes twice a week. The highlight of Pauly D’s segment, however, was the very end when he tried to pack his personal tanning bed, finally giving up and asking if MTV could ship it separately.

Then we moved to Snooki to find that her family is exactly like her. Sure, we met her mom in episode 4, but Snooki had to introduce the cameras to her dad so he could give her money before she headed to the Shore, where life is all about “partying, sex and having fun.” Too bad for Snooki, we know how the second item in that list turned out for her this summer. As she played beer pong with her dad, he warned her to watch herself and watch her drinking (father knows best Snooks, she should have listened to him in the premiere and she might have felt included well before she got punched). She warned him, however, that if she does anything to embarrass him, it’s his fault because it’s his genes coming out.

Ever the couple, MTV focused on Ronnie and Sammi next. There wasn’t any really new footage to come out about Ronnie. They showed the clip of him saying that his rule is to “never fall in love at the Jersey Shore,” that was whipped out time and time again after he and Sammi got together. His mindset going into the show, however, was that you never will meet the girl of your dreams at the Shore, which is great beceause that means you can smush with anyone you want (or anyone your boy wanted because “Sharing is caring”) because you’ll never see the girl again.

We found Sammi at home with her Mom and two sisters as she packed for the Shore. She described herself as “Classy, awesome, wild and a little bit slutty,” and said it was her job to look good. She introduced us to her hair extensions that make her feel sexy and said that you should be spending at least $200 on hair that isn’t your own. The real gem of her segment, however was that she taught her mom to fist pump and they started to beat up the beat while making dinner.

Cut to JWoww – who’s nickname we learned came from her walking by and boys saying “wow” but knowing her name was Jenny and putting the two together (no word on how the extra W got thrown on the end) – who announces that she has to be the #1 girl in any situation whether it be in the club or walking down the street and she has no problems manipulating her hair and body to be the center of attention. She also states that she loves to play games with men and use and abuse them. She likes to play it cool with them and then “send them on a roller coaster ride to hell.” Now, I’m not a male, but that doesn’t seem to be like something I want to get involved in no matter how much her manipulations to her hair and body seem attractive…

And then we come to Vinny, the baby of the group and a self-proclaimed Momma’s boy. Because of that fact he hasn’ tbeen able to find a “real girl” because he keeps comparing them to her perfection. I don’t blame him though because his mother is adorable even if she is doing a 21-year-old’s laundry. When he leaves for the Shore he hugs her while she cries on the front porch wathing her baby walk away. While we had already met his mom when she cooked the housemates a feast in an episode of the Shore, it was cute to get to see more of her devotion to her son. Vinny’s definitely growing on me…

And finally* we come to the man, the myth and the legend – The Situation. Making cracks about playing tic-tac-toe on his six-pack and saying he’s 100% Italian and 100% good-looking, the Situation wasn’t much different than what we’ve come to know over the course of the first season. We met his sister – as I like to call her “The Sisuation” – when she was packing his bags to head to the Shore (“What’s better than this? Hot girls packing your bags!”), and we saw him primp right before leaving with a trip to his barber. It would have been great to see him knocked down a peg or two on that outing, though, as he told the camera he got free valet parking right out front of his barber in a fire lane. “It says No parking, but that’s not for me.” And we learned a lesson from him – “It’s hard work being the Situation, but somebody’s gotta do it.”

They also showed some boozed up confessionals from the cast, which showed that they disliked Snooki at the beginning, expected Sammi to hook up with the Situation, JWoww thought Pauly D looked like a douche and a playboy but wanted to make him her game for the summer, Sammi thought Ronnie was an a**, Vinny was the little brother of the group, and halfway through the season The Situation barred anymore “Zoo Creatures” from entering the house.

Some moments were more classic than others, but they all added up to a good, if repetitive, half hour with the cast.

*Once again, MTV decided that we should learn more about Angelina, the ousted cast member. Why must they force us to learn more about the fire cracker? If you really want to know, pre-shore she described herself as a bitch who likes to party and loves curling her hair and doing her eye lashes…yeah, she’s a winner. Come on MTV, get the message. We don’t like her, please don’t bring her back for the second season!

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