JERSEY SHORE JUMPS THE SHARK!!

Photo Credit: Celebuzz.com

Cue our well-intentioned fan-girl yell of “Noooooooooooooooo!”

Perez Hilton AND TMZ are reporting that the non-cast member ANGELINA has RETURNED for SEASON TWO! Nooooooo!

Cast members descended on Miami yesterday to begin filming after two (we assume) very long car trips in which the stars were separated by sex. Snooki and JWoww were in one car while Pauly D and the Situation were in another. No word on how Ronnie, Vinny or Sammi got there. And then, out of nowhere, ANGE-Fricken-LINA arrived with luggage in tow – apparently in actually suitcases this time instead of garbage bags.

This pisses us off to no end. Season two will not be nearly as epic as last season based solely on the fact that she’ll be there.

Image credit: PerezHilton.com

We’ve also seen our first glimpses of the awkwardness that will occur this season. Last season, a group of 8 unknowns descended on Seaside Heights. They partied, loved and fought other vacationers and locals and no one really knew who they were. This season, 7 high profile cast members (and one bitch) are walking the streets of Miami and everyone knows their name. Perez Hilton posted pics of Snooki, Pauly D and Mike walking the streets with some definite creepers in the background. And not the good type of creepers that Ronnie likens himself to … no, these were amatuer paparazzi capturing every second of the Sitch walking in his grey wifebeater and OchoCinco Reebok shoes (I hear they’re called ZigTechs…).

It’ll be an entirely different atmosphere in Season Two. Kind of like Cheers, where everyone knows their names…

Anticipating that awkwardness, MTV is trying to be proactive in keeping the Jersey Shore tide alive by sending out casting calls for “tanned and toned fist pumpers” who could “dominate the gym, tear up the dance floor and rule the bedroom.” Those that apply have to be over 21 but appear to be under the age of 30…In other words, Season Two hasn’t even been filmed yet and our dear cast is going to get replaced in Season Three!

WTF MTV. WTF! Angelina should never have been offered the Olive Branch. She burned her bridges in episode two and you should have left her well enough alone. The show ruined her freaking life and the cast hates her (all straight from her own mouth), so why would you ever ever think about bringing her back. And on top of that you’re going to replace our beloved cast?! Sure, Season Two won’t have the same feel as Season One, but Season Three sure as hell won’t work with a new cast.

Honestly MTV, why did you ditch Road Rules in favor of strictly doing Real World/Road Rules Challenges? BECAUSE NO ONE CARED about new Road Rules people (actually, that’s a complete lie. I totally miss Road Rules) and only want to see Kenny, Wes, Coral and Tonya try to kill each other while they’re wasted and then have to work together on a ridiculous challenge like “Mexican Blanket Rolling” the next day. Shame on you MTV!

(Side note: How do I sign up for the job of coming up with what challenges the cast will do? I want to sit around a cushy studio in Times Square and say things like “let’s have them roll down a beach in blankets….wait for it…Mexican blankets!” or “how about we have them sit on a block of ice in speedos and bikinis and slide across the floor!)

A Sneak Peek at Jersey Shore’s Season Two Digs

We have epically failed at bringing you the latest & greatest Jersey Shore updates recently. To give us some peace of mind on the topic, we’ve been telling ourselves that JS news will be slowing down over the next two months as our favorite guidos and guidettes signed off Twitter (and we assume out of the limelight) yesterday as they headed to Miami to shoot the second season.

For the next two months, we’ll miss Snooki mugging it with Emilio, the Sitch sending love to “his fam, friends – oh and don’t forget the haters,” Vinny’s non-sequitors about how Duke will take the NCAA National Championship, JWoww’s love for Family Guy, House and titilating men with complaints of her “almost” bikini-ready body (complete with Twitpics), and Pauly D’s jetsetting life style on Twitter.

And we’ll especially miss speculations of Sammi and Ronnie’s relationship through the useful gems they provide us on the social networking site – did anyone else catch it when Ronnie tweeted a pic of him and two lovely ladies who were definitely not Sammi? And Sammi’s subsequent tweet of “and you wonder why you’re called an ex”? Sammi’s tweet recently disappeared from her Twitter timeline, but we saw it! Did you?

Now that Season 2 is a reality, we’re excited to be able to give you a sneak peek into the JS crew’s rumored new digs – the Metropole Hotel Apartments.

According to Pink is the New Blog, MTV crews were seen moving equipment into the posh apartments earlier this week.

Rumors also have it that popular South Beach nightclub Mynt refused access to MTV camera crews, so there’s no word on what will be the Karma and Beachcombers. But really, that’s probably for the best. The JS crew seem at home in hole-in-the-wall bars, lets stick to what we know this season…

The Situation is still the Situation in any language

Jersey Shore will begin airing in 30 countries outside North America this week allowing teens and young adults in other cultures to get tanned, juiced and crazy while introducing them to the GTL lifestyle.

While the episodes will be dubbed into other languages – GTL is going international as GBL in Latin America (gimnasio, bronceado, lavandería) – some things just can’t be translated.

We won’t be seeing Ronnie, Pauly D, Sammi, Snooki, JWoww and unfortunately for two episodes Angelina joined by Mike “El Situacion,” or “Situazione” in the Shore house. Nope, The Situation is going international and defying translation.

We can’t wait for some of the International ad campaigns to come trickling back to America. They have to be stellar as they include young people of different nationalities grooming themselves to look like our favorite guidos (is that a derogatory term in Italy? that might be weird), and there’s even a print ad with the excellent tag line of:

“Muscles + gel + tanning bed = sex.”

Yup, people outside of America. That’s really all you need to get sex here…muscles, gel and a tanning bed. Actually, it probably is for foreigners. I mean, they already have the accent going for them, just look at Colin in the movie Love, Actually. He got Elisha Cuthbert, January Jones and Ivana Milicevic without as a pale and pasty world traveler, just imagine the women he could have gotten if he had adhered to GTL.

Filming begins on Jersey Shore Season Two!

Though you wouldn’t know it from their Twitter feeds which are as ambiguous about location as ver, rumor has it that the Jersey Shore cast has landed in Miami to start filming Season Two!

TMZ reported yesterday that the cast was told they’d definitely be headed to South Beach sometime this week. Camera crews reportedly descended on our favorite guido’s homes to film the pre-flight packing routine just as they did last season (footage of which was seen on ‘Before the Shore’).

There’s no word on whether or not Pauly D tried to pack his tanning bed for the flight from NJ to FL. Hopefully, MTV preempted that by providing an in-house salon – because, let’s face it, they would have to put 7 beds in the house or else we’d be watching footage of the cast standing in line waiting their turn under the lights.

Also, did you guys catch MTV’s Fist Pumpin’ Spring Break special with Pauly, Snooki and the Situation? We got to see a bit of their GTL routine and learned that Pauly and the Sitch don’t really know how to do laundry at a laundromat.

We also learned that Snooki and Pauly D supposedly hooked up on their last night in the shore house…though that seems like a bit of a ploy to snag viewers than the truth. If it’s true, Snooki got around that night as we saw her making out with the Sitch in the hot tub in the season one finale…why didn’t we see her and Pauly D? (Or for that matter, why didn’t the Sitch see her with Pauly seeing as how they roomed together?)

It could have happened though. Afterall, Pauly did leave us with this gem of a quote from episode 2:

In a weird Snookers world, like me and Snookers would make the best, like, little guidos and guidettes, little poofs and blow-outs on our little kids.

Snooki learned excessive drinking had consequences

A story has just broken about our favorite poofed guidette and the dangers of drinking to excess – in 2004, then 17-year-old Snooki was charged in connection to the drunk driving-related death death of a friend after a Thanksgiving party she threw at her mother’s house.

Michael Truncali,18, was killed when he rolled his car into a ditch in the early morning hours of Thanksgiving Day. He had attended a party at Snooki’s mother’s house, at which her mother was present, where Snooki was selling alcohol – presumably charging for cups. His blood alcohol level (BAC) was reportedly .18, over two times the legal limit.

His family is now speaking out against the glorification of binge drinking on Jersey Shore and similar television shows, though Michelle Truncali states that they aren’t out to vilify Snooki’s name.

“We’re not out to trash Nicole. I never blamed her for what happened. She was a 16-year-old. I blame others,” she told the gossip RadarOnline.com. “I am not looking for those people to get arrested. I just want the truth.”

“I just don’t feel that parents should allow underage drinking in their homes,” added Bill Truncalli, upset that MTV’s “Jersey Shore” appears to “glorify” alcohol consumption.

Truncali’s parents hope that coming forward now will help warn teens of the dangers of underage drinking and driving under the influence.

Snooki was charged with prohibited sale of alcoholic beverages and the outcome of her case was sealed because she was a minor.

Such a sad story. One hopes the Truncali family can find peace in the loss of their son and that they truly aren’t trying to besmirch Snooki’s name but are truly trying to raise awareness of the dangers of binge drinking and drinking and driving.

Photo credit: OK! Magazine

Jersey Shore Bobble Heads to Debut

You know you’ve made it when you get a Bobble head designed in your likeness. All the big stars have one – *NSYNC, Elvis, Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz – and now, Snooki, Pauly D and the Situation are being immortalized in plastic.

Cameron Collectibles is releasing a series of Bobbleheads based on some of our Jersey Shore favorites sometime this year. But don’t go rushing out to order the $11.99 collectibles just yet, all three of the designs are out of stock.

If you just can’t live without them, however, keep an eye on the Cameron site. You can find the JS designs on the Coming Soon page. There you’ll find The Situation pointing to the situation, Pauly D with his DJ headphones, and Snooki with her infamous (and our favorite) poof.

No word yet on when these babies will be available for the general public. Let’s hope MTV snatches up a couple to decorate the Miami beach house that the cast will be moving into in two weeks to film season 2.

Snooki visits the ‘Cake Boss’

Photo courtesy of: The Huffington Post

Two of our favorite Jersey reality shows collided yesterday when Snooki visited Buddy’s bakery from TLC’s Cake Boss.

We’ll be able to see more of Snooki’s visit to Carlo’s Bakery when the scene they shot together airs during season 3 of the show, but Snooki didn’t hide the fact that she was there and tweeted multiple pictures of her with the Boss.

She also didn’t hide what Buddy is making for her – a three-tiered strawberry vanilla cake for her mom on Mother’s Day.

Snooki spent most of the afternoon at the bakery visiting with Buddy, his family and the other bakers in the shop. She even tried some of bakery’s famous cannoli’s calling them “beyond amazing.”

Looks like we’ll be seeing a lot of Snooki on a lot of different channels this summer as season 2 of Jersey Shore is set to begin filming by the end of the month.

Snooki as Precious, The Situation as Michael Oher

Well, Lopez Tonight finally got smart about the fact that the videos posted on YouTube were being embedded by other people and disabled that function. We’re not big fans of that because it really hurts videos rather than helping them (see OKGo frontman Damien Kulash’s op-ed piece in the New York Times on the subject – WhoseTube?), but we’ll play along for today.

Tuesday, Snooki portrayed Lt. Aldo Rain from Inglourious Basterds on Lopez Tonight. On Wednesday, she took on Mariah Carey's role in Precious.

Last night, Lopez Tonight treated viewers to The Blind Side and Precious as told by the Jersey Shore Cast.

First up was The Situation in The Blind Side. Sandra Bullock confused Mike “The Situation” with Big Mike from the story. Bullock’s character is worried about The Sitch because he’s walking to the gym late at night and throughout their interaction we find out that his GTL routine is actually a defense mechanism for his low self-esteem, but that doesn’t stop him from hopping in the car hoping to make a sex tape with Mrs. Congeniality.

Next up, we saw Snooki stepping into the world of Precious. I haven’t actually seen Precious, and I don’t plan to due to the uncomfortable nature of the subject matter, so this parody was a bit lost on me. That didn’t stop me from enjoying Snooki’s irreverent counseling of Precious – until, of course, I realized that she was being hilariously irreverent to an abused teenager…I seem to have a bit of a conscience. Still, the last 10 seconds are worth it. Like Snooki says, “it’s 3 o’clock somewhere…”

And finally, we saw Sammi as Precious interacting with Mo’Nique, Precious’ abusive mother. That conscience I seemed to develop during Snooki’s clip came roaring out as I watched this one. There wasn’t even an ‘OMG I can’t believe they just did that and I’m giggling about it even though I shouldn’t’ moment. Nope, it was pure ‘WTF were they even thinking when they decided this was a good idea?!’ I’m not sure I can condone a parody of parental physical abuse as we see Sammi with different and progressively worse injuries…I just hope tonight’s parodies of Up in the Air aren’t  nearly as offensive.

Since we can’t embed the videos, check them out on George Lopez’s Web site here.

Avatar and Inglourious Basterds get Jersey Shore Treatment

It’s time for another installment of Oscar nominee spoofs by the Jersey Shore cast members. Last night on Lopez Tonight we were treated to Snooki taking over the role of Lt. Aldo Rain – Brad Pitt’s character in Inglourious Basterds – and Pauly D becoming an Avatar.

Snooki did a stellar job screaming orders at her fellow castmates as she described how they would descend on South Beach and kill the brain cells of the Floridians. It’s great to see the cast poking fun at themselves and the show as it lets us in on the fact that they know we’re not necessarily laughing with them, but rather at them. And they’re laughing at us laughing at them.

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Pauly D on the other hand, didn’t get much time to shine. All he had to do was lay in front of a green screen with his eyes closed and move his arms and legs to look like he was in water. The concept of the clip was funny, but it would have been better had we seen him actually do something Avatar-ish. We still love him though.

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Jersey Shore Cast to Invade George Lopez Next Week

The entire Jersey Shore cast took a day out of their busy schedules of photo shoots with Bar Rafaeli, regretting season one wardrobe choices and giving Kim Kardashian Jersey Shore-esque nicknames to film a series of vignettes that will play on The George Lopez Show all next week.

The cast flew to LA for the day and headed to Lopez’s studio tired from their long flight and night out the night before. Snooki even tweeted that she was so tired her eyes were burning. But they toughed it out and gave it their all in front of a green screen.

Snooki and JWoww even managed to get a few shots of themselves in costume tweeted.

It looks as though the cast recreated a scene from the Oscar nominated Inglorious Basterds in which a group of Jewish-American soldiers, led by Brad Pitt, spread fear through the Third Reich by killing and scalping Nazi officers.

Snooki took on Pitt’s role of Lt. Aldo Rain, though her costuming is a bit more fitted than Pitt’s ever was. And the rest of the cast fell in as the “Basterds.”

It’ll be interesting to see just what they filmed yesterday, though it’s safe to say their costumes look great.

Tune into The George Lopez Show at 11 p.m. est on TBS all next week to see our favorite JS-ers.

Photo credit: @Jwoww and @Sn00ki